dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
