break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I didn't shave. On purpose
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
birth control should be required to get into college
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
