You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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