Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
