why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
