Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
