So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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