So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
