Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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