this just has baby written all over it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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