Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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