Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
