You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
