i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
