will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
and eventually we just all took our pants off
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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