he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
