Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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