I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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