Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
