Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
