Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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