You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
