need another drink. this is the easiest way
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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