What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
