Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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