SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
