i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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