I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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