Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
