Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
