I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
