i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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