I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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