you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
