I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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