this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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