Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
