I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
