I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
