I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
