My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
