Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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