First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
did you just send me my own nude
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
