Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
