He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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