I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
