apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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