Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you never un-have a 4some
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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