did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How's work?
Spinning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
