We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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