He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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