I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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